Clear and Effective Sentences

This is Unit Eleven of College Composition. Unit Ten closed the conventions of standard written English. This unit begins revision, the largest part of the course, with the sentence as readers experience it. Carry one idea through this lecture. A clear sentence lets readers see quickly who does what, and good revision cuts filler, never content. A worked example near the end revises a wordy paragraph and keeps every idea. By the end you will be able to build sentences on concrete subjects and action verbs. To cut filler, redundancy and buried verbs. To place emphasis and vary sentences. And to combine and subordinate ideas to show how they relate.

Five entries on the sentence a reader can follow: clarity first, concrete nouns, action verbs, and active and passive voice.

Who does what.

CMP 0251 Clarity First

A clear sentence lets readers see quickly who does what, and most sentence revision serves that goal. Strong sentences feature a doer and an action, use concrete nouns and active verbs, and cut words that add nothing. Clarity is judged by the reader, not the writer; a sentence that makes sense to you may still make a reader work too hard.

Particular nouns.

CMP 0252 Concrete Nouns as Subjects

General nouns name broad categories, such as dog or city; concrete nouns name particular things, such as collie or Chicago. "People were outside the library" gives readers little; "Skateboarders weaved past students on the library steps" gives them a scene. Concrete detail serves readers only when it serves the purpose; do not add detail for decoration.

One verb instead of two words.

CMP 0253 Action Verbs

Replacing a weak verb and noun pair with a single action verb is one of the most direct ways to cut words. "Reach a decision" becomes decide, "hold a meeting" becomes meet, and "arrive at a conclusion" becomes conclude. Phrases built on make, have and hold often hide the real verb inside a noun.

The subject acts.

CMP 0254 Active Voice for Clarity

Active verbs make the subject perform the action, which usually produces stronger, clearer and shorter sentences. "The tutorial was rated highly by employees" becomes "Employees rated the tutorial highly." A paper full of passive constructions lacks vitality and grows wordy, even though no single passive sentence is an error.

When passive is right.

CMP 0255 When Passive Voice Fits

Passive voice fits when the doer is unknown, unimportant or deliberately unnamed, or when the field expects it. Scientific and technical writing has traditionally used the passive for objectivity, as in "The samples were heated," though many writers in those fields now prefer the active. Passive voice can also hide responsibility; notice when a sentence omits who acted.

Five entries on conciseness: what it means, filler phrases, empty openings, redundancy and nominalizations.

Making every word count.

CMP 0256 Conciseness

Concise writing makes every word count by cutting wasted words and filler, not ideas or useful detail. A forty-nine-word sentence advising students to cut needless words can shrink to "Whenever possible, cut needless words from your college writing." Conciseness is about filler, not length; a long sentence full of information can be concise.

Phrases that add nothing.

CMP 0257 Filler Phrases

Many common phrases add words without adding meaning and can be replaced by a single word. "Due to the fact that" becomes because, "at this point in time" becomes now, and "for the purpose of" becomes for. Phrases such as "for all intents and purposes" and "in a manner of speaking" can usually be deleted outright.

Openings that bury the subject.

CMP 0258 There Is and It Is

Sentences that open with there is, there are or it is often bury the real subject and verb. "There are many students who work" becomes "Many students work"; "It is challenging to revise" becomes "Revising is challenging." These openings are useful occasionally, for emphasis or a change of direction; the problem is relying on them.

Saying it twice.

CMP 0259 Redundancy

Redundancy says the same thing twice, often in pairs or strings of near-synonyms. "Needless, redundant and repetitive words" says one thing three times; "needless words" says it once. Phrases such as "past history" and "each and every" repeat themselves; choose one word and trust it.

Verbs turned into nouns.

CMP 0260 Nominalizations

A nominalization turns a verb into a noun, such as decision from decide, and often forces a weaker verb into the sentence. "The committee made a choice to have a discussion" becomes "The committee chose to discuss it." Look for nouns ending in tion, ment or ance that sit beside weak verbs; the real action is often inside them.

Four entries on emphasis by position and on varying sentence length and structure.

The most emphatic place.

CMP 0261 Emphasis by Position

The most emphatic place in a sentence is the end, so end with the idea you want readers to remember. "If Angel wants to help his sister, he needs to start now" stresses now; "Angel needs to start now if he wants to help" stresses the condition. Put contextual or less important information earlier, and let the point arrive last.

Varying sentences.

CMP 0262 Sentence Variety

Varying the length and structure of sentences makes writing more engaging and helps readers follow it. A passage of identical short sentences reads as choppy; a passage of long ones tires readers; a mix keeps them moving. Variety serves meaning; do not vary sentences at random, but match each structure to the relationship among its ideas.

Length and pace.

CMP 0263 Varying Length

Mixing short and long sentences lets a writer control pace and stress. A short sentence after several long ones lands with force, which suits a key point or a turn in the argument. Read the passage aloud; the ear notices monotony and breathlessness before the eye does.

Varying structure.

CMP 0264 Varying Structure

Varying sentence structure means using simple, compound, complex and compound-complex sentences where each fits. A run of simple sentences can become one complex sentence that shows cause, or one compound sentence that shows balance. The goal is not equal numbers of each type but the right type for each relationship.

Eight entries on combining, coordinating and subordinating ideas, and on revising for concision and emphasis, including a worked example. The opening idea is paid off at the worked example.

Joining short sentences.

CMP 0265 Sentence Combining

Sentence combining joins short, related sentences into one, reducing choppiness and showing how ideas connect. Find a run of short sentences that share a subject or idea. Decide how the ideas relate: equal, cause and effect, contrast, time or condition. Then choose a joint to match: a compound predicate for a shared subject, a coordinating conjunction for equal ideas, a dependent clause for a cause, condition or time. Cut repeated words and reread. Combining is not always better; short sentences suit action and emphasis, and combining unrelated ideas creates a labyrinth.

Equals, or one depending.

CMP 0266 Coordination and Subordination

Coordination joins ideas as equals; subordination makes one idea depend on another. "The rain stopped, and we left" coordinates; "Because the rain stopped, we left" subordinates the cause to the action. Coordinating everything with and flattens a paragraph, because readers cannot tell which ideas matter most.

What goes in the main clause.

CMP 0267 Choosing What to Subordinate

Put the main point in the independent clause and the supporting information in the dependent clause. "Although the study was small, its findings were striking" stresses the findings; "Although its findings were striking, the study was small" stresses the limitation. Revision items often hinge on this choice; ask which idea the paragraph is about.

Cutting a wordy sentence.

CMP 0268 Revising a Wordy Sentence

Revising a wordy sentence means cutting filler while keeping every idea. Take a sentence about employees' uncertainty over turning on cameras. Find the real subject and action: employees are uncertain, employers expect. Remove the there is and it is openings. Replace whether or not with whether. Turn "it is the expectation" into expect. The result reads: employees are often uncertain whether they must turn on their cameras, and employers expect them to. If a revision drops the uncertainty or the employers, it is shorter but wrong.

Four combinations, one best.

CMP 0269 Choosing the Best Combination

When several combined versions are offered, the best is grammatical, keeps the meaning, shows the right relationship and avoids needless words. Take a museum that raised its price, and attendance that fell. Joined with and, the cause is only implied. Beginning with after states sequence and suggests cause. Using which to refer to the whole clause is loose. Beginning with because states cause directly. If the passage presents the price as the reason, because is best; if it only reports events in order, after is safer. Stating a cause the writer only implied changes the claim.

Arranging for emphasis.

CMP 0270 Revising for Emphasis

Revising for emphasis means arranging each key sentence so its most important idea sits where readers notice it. Decide what each sentence must make readers remember. Move that idea to the end, and put it in the independent clause, with background before it. Use active voice so the doer is visible, and consider a short sentence for the paragraph's most important point. "The vote was close, but the measure passed after a long debate" becomes "After a long debate and a close vote, the measure passed." If every sentence is built for maximum emphasis, nothing stands out.

A wordy paragraph revised.

CMP 0271 A Wordy Paragraph Revised

A worked example, constructed for this course, pays off the opening idea. A draft about the writing center opens with "There are a number of reasons why it is important," puts its doers in passive sentences, and hides its actions inside nouns. Revised, students should use the center for several reasons; tutors give feedback and answer questions; because many students do not know about the center, it is underused; and the report recommends that the college meet to discuss outreach. The revision is far shorter and loses none of the ideas. Cutting the explanation of why the center is underused would make it shorter still, but it would remove the paragraph's logic. Cut filler, never content.

When shorter is worse.

CMP 0272 Clarity Versus Brevity

The shortest version of a sentence is not always the clearest; wordiness means filler, not length. Cutting a needed transition or a defining phrase to save words can leave readers unable to follow the point. When choosing between versions, prefer the one that is both complete and economical, not merely the briefest.

Look at what you can now do. You can build sentences on concrete subjects and action verbs, prefer the active voice, and recognize when the passive fits. You can cut filler phrases, empty openings, redundancy and buried verbs, without cutting ideas. You can place a sentence's point at its end and vary sentence length and structure for meaning. And you can combine, coordinate and subordinate ideas so the main point stands out, choosing the version that is complete as well as brief. Unit Twelve steps back from the sentence to revision as a whole process.