College Composition / Unit 11 CMP 0268 worked example, 60 to 90 seconds
Revising a Wordy Sentence
The idea
Revising a wordy sentence means cutting filler while keeping every idea and detail.
In practice
Take "There is often uncertainty about whether or not employees are required to turn on their cameras, and it is the expectation of employers that they do." Work in order. First, find the real subject and action: employees are uncertain, employers expect. Second, remove there is and it is openings. Third, replace filler phrases: "whether or not" becomes whether. Fourth, turn nominalizations into verbs: "it is the expectation" becomes expect. Fifth, cut repeats. The result: "Employees are often uncertain whether they must turn on their cameras, and employers expect them to."
Where people slip
Cutting words must not cut meaning. If a revision drops the uncertainty, or the employers, it is shorter but wrong; check that every idea in the original survives.
Your place on the trail
Every lesson rests on earlier ones and opens later ones. Tap any to jump.
Something wrong in this lesson? Flag it · Sources for College Composition