A Wordy Paragraph Revised

In practice

This worked example is constructed for this course. The draft reads: "There are a number of reasons why it is important for students to make use of the writing center. Feedback is provided by tutors. Questions are answered by them too. Due to the fact that many students do not have knowledge of the center, it is underused. It is the recommendation of this report that the college hold a meeting to have a discussion about outreach." Revise in order. First, find doers and actions. Students should use the center; tutors give feedback and answer questions; the report recommends outreach. Second, remove there are and it is openings and filler: "There are a number of reasons why it is important" can become "Students should use the writing center for several reasons." Third, change passive to active where the doer matters: "Tutors give feedback and answer questions." That also combines two short, related sentences. Fourth, replace filler phrases: "Due to the fact that" becomes because, and "do not have knowledge of" becomes "do not know about." Fifth, turn nominalizations into verbs: "It is the recommendation of this report" becomes "This report recommends," and "hold a meeting to have a discussion" becomes "meet to discuss." The revision reads: "Students should use the writing center for several reasons. Tutors give feedback and answer questions. Because many students do not know about the center, it is underused. This report recommends that the college meet to discuss outreach." It is far shorter and loses none of the ideas.