A Practice Draft: The Argument

In practice

This practice draft is constructed for this course. Paragraph one ends with the thesis: "The college should offer free bus passes to all students." Paragraph two reads: "Many students commute. Parking costs have risen sharply. A semester permit now costs more than a textbook. The campus garage was built in the nineteen seventies." Paragraph three opens: "However, bus passes would cut traffic near campus." Work through it as a reviser. First, the purpose is argument and the thesis is clear. Second, in paragraph two, the sentence about the garage's age does not support the point that parking is costly; delete it. Third, "Many students commute. Parking costs have risen sharply" are two short sentences that relate as background and problem; one strong combination is "Many students commute, and parking costs have risen sharply," or, if the paragraph's point is cost, "For the many students who commute, parking costs have risen sharply." Fourth, paragraph three opens with however, but it continues the argument for bus passes with another benefit rather than contrasting with paragraph two; replace however with a transition that adds a reason, such as "Free passes would also cut traffic near campus." Fifth, check the thesis against the body: both paragraphs support it. Each change served the argument's point; none changed its claim.