A Practice Draft: The Report

In practice

This practice draft is constructed for this course. It reports on a library's new late hours: "The library opened until midnight during exam week. Attendance after ten o'clock rose, which proves that every student wanted later hours. The staff was totally awesome about the change. Some students reported that the building was too cold at night, and the facilities office has been notified." Work through it as a reviser. First, the purpose is to inform, so the tone should be objective and the claims should match the evidence. Second, "proves that every student wanted later hours" claims more than the data shows: rising attendance shows that many students used the hours, not that every student wanted them. Revise to "suggesting that many students used the later hours." Third, "totally awesome" is slang and an opinion, which breaks the report's register; replace it with a factual statement, such as that the staff extended their shifts to cover the new hours. Fourth, the last sentence reports a problem and the response objectively; keep it, since an objective report includes complications as well as successes. The revised report is accurate, consistent in tone and fair to the evidence.