A Paragraph of Wrong Words

In practice

This worked example is constructed for this course. The paragraph comes from a report for a city council: "The new bike lanes had a positive affect on traffic. Less accidents occurred, and their was alot of stuff that improved. Elderly people, who are bad drivers, felt safer then before. The plan's stubborn supporters were proven right." Work through the words. First, confused pairs: affect should be effect, since the sentence needs a noun meaning result; less should be fewer, because accidents can be counted; their should be there; alot should be two words, a lot; then should be than, because the sentence compares. Second, vague words: "a lot of stuff that improved" says nothing a council can act on; name the improvements, such as shorter commute times and fewer injuries. Third, bias: "who are bad drivers" stereotypes older adults and is not supported; cut it, and say that older residents reported feeling safer. Fourth, connotation: stubborn makes the supporters sound unreasonable, while the report means they held their position; persistent or determined fits. Fifth, register: the report should sound formal, so "were proven right" might become "were supported by the results." The revised paragraph has fewer errors and more information, and a council member reading it now learns what changed, for whom, and by how much.