Audience, Tone and Point of View in Revision

This is Unit Eighteen of College Composition. Unit Seventeen chose evidence with the reader in mind. This unit revises the rest of a draft for that reader: its background, its tone and its point of view. Carry one idea through this lecture. Revision for audience changes what a draft says, not only how it sounds, and readers judge tone from the words on the page, not from what the writer felt. A worked example near the end revises a technical paragraph for a committee that must approve its cost. By the end you will be able to revise for what a reader knows. To control tone and the academic voice. To choose and hold a point of view. And to match register and respect to the genre and the reader.

Three entries on revising for a specific reader: what they know, and which terms to define.

Adjusting for one reader.

CMP 0426 Revising for a Specific Reader

Revising for a specific reader means adjusting content, language and tone to what that reader knows, believes and needs. The same paper might add background for newcomers, cut it for experts, or move its strongest evidence forward for skeptics. Revision for audience changes what a draft says, not only how it sounds.

Background readers need.

CMP 0427 What the Reader Already Knows

How much background a text needs depends on how much its audience already knows about the topic. Too little background loses readers who are new to the subject; too much bores readers who know it well. Writers tend to overestimate what readers share with them, because the writer's own knowledge feels obvious.

Defining or replacing terms.

CMP 0428 Defining Terms for the Reader

Terms a general reader may not know should be defined or replaced, especially technical expressions from a specialized field. A paper on a medical topic for a general audience defines specialized terms on first use, or chooses plainer words. Defining a term the audience knows well can sound condescending; decide based on the actual reader.

Four entries on tone: what it is, the academic voice, consistency, and unplanned shifts.

Attitude toward subject and reader.

CMP 0429 Tone

Tone is the writer's attitude toward the subject and the audience, as readers perceive it. Word choice, sentence style and pacing can make a writer sound admiring, sarcastic, neutral, angry, authoritative or uncertain. Readers judge tone from the words on the page, not from what the writer felt while writing.

Reasonable and authoritative.

CMP 0430 Academic Voice

The academic voice aims to sound objective, authoritative and reasonable, like one thinker addressing another. Academic papers still express opinions, but opinions based on evidence and argued rationally, in a professional rather than intimate tone. Academic does not mean stilted; convoluted sentences and abstract language make the voice harder to read, not more scholarly.

Holding one tone.

CMP 0431 Consistent Tone

Tone should stay consistent through a piece unless a change serves a purpose. A report that is professional for three paragraphs and then turns sarcastic loses the trust its earlier tone had earned. Inconsistent tone often comes from drafting at different times, so read the whole draft at one sitting.

Attitude that does not match.

CMP 0432 Tone Shifts

An unplanned tone shift is a word or sentence whose attitude does not match the rest of the passage. In a measured argument, "and the opponents are clueless" breaks the tone; "the opponents overlook two key costs" keeps it. Revision items often test this: the right choice matches the passage's established tone.

Four entries on point of view: first person, second person, third person, and holding one throughout.

I and we.

CMP 0433 First Person in Academic Writing

First person, I and we, is common in personal genres such as narratives and profiles, and it appears in some academic writing. Scientists increasingly write "We conducted a survey," and reflective essays use I by design. Phrases such as "I think" and "in my opinion" usually add nothing to an argumentative claim; the thesis already states your view.

The accidental you.

CMP 0434 Second Person

Second person, you, is not considered appropriate in most academic writing, though textbooks and instructions use it. Writers often slip into you by accident: "The minimum wage should let people earn a wage you can live on" should read "a wage they can live on." Search a draft for you and revise each one that does not mean the actual reader.

The customary person.

CMP 0435 Third Person

Third person, he, she, it and they, is customary in most academic writing, including research papers, reports and analyses. Third person emphasizes the information instead of the writer: "Hikers argue that bikes erode trails" rather than "I think bikes erode trails." Third person is a convention, not a guarantee of objectivity; biased claims are still biased in third person.

One point of view.

CMP 0436 Consistent Point of View

A piece should hold one point of view unless a shift has a clear purpose. A paragraph that moves from students to we to you within three sentences confuses readers about who is meant. When revising, choose the point of view the genre calls for and bring stray pronouns into line.

Seven entries on respectful language, voice, revising tone, register, a worked example, and the effects of each choice on readers. The opening idea is paid off at the worked example.

Fair to people who disagree.

CMP 0437 Respectful Language

Respectful language avoids biased terms, labels and stereotypes, and it keeps the tone fair toward people who disagree. Describing opponents' reasons accurately, and naming groups as they name themselves, keeps readers of every view reading. Disrespectful language costs credibility with the very readers an argument most needs to persuade.

Voice for audience and purpose.

CMP 0438 Voice Fits Audience and Purpose

The right voice depends on who will read the text and what the writer wants it to do. A thank-you note, a personal essay and a research paper call for different voices, even from the same writer on the same day. There is no single correct voice, only one that fits or misfits the situation.

Reading for attitude.

CMP 0439 Revising Tone

Revising tone means reading a draft for its attitude and adjusting words that project the wrong one. Name the tone the piece should have, given audience, purpose and genre. Mark sarcasm, exaggeration, slang and dismissive remarks. Replace charged words with precise ones and exaggeration with specific claims. Check openings and conclusions, where tone drifts toward the dramatic, and read aloud for any sentence that sounds like a different speaker. Neutral tone is not the same as weak claims; a writer can argue firmly in a professional tone.

Formality by genre.

CMP 0440 Matching Register to Genre

Register, the level of formality, should match the genre. Identify the genre and recall its conventions for formality, point of view and tone. Mark words too casual for a formal genre, such as slang, discouraged contractions, and phrases like a lot of or kind of, and constructions too stiff for an informal one. Revise toward the genre's register while staying plain. "The study kind of shows that sleep helps memory a lot" becomes "The study shows that sleep improves memory." Raising the register does not mean adding long words.

From classmates to a committee.

CMP 0441 Revising for an Unfamiliar Audience

A worked example, constructed for this course, pays off the opening idea. A student's paragraph for computer science classmates calls a login system "basically a joke" and says anyone "with half a brain" could break it. Revised for a non-technical finance committee, it defines two-factor authentication and phishing, adds what the change prevents and costs, replaces insults with a specific risk, and drops slang. The recommendation is no weaker; it is persuasive to the people who decide. The original's confidence came from insults, the revision's from defined terms, a stated risk and a cost. Changing the audience changed what counted as convincing.

Every choice has an effect.

CMP 0442 Effect on Audience

Every choice in a text, from structure to tone to evidence, has an effect on its audience, and revision weighs those effects. Academic essays generally use a formal tone, precise wording and careful editing because those choices earn a scholarly reader's trust. Ask of each revision: will this make my intended reader more likely to understand and accept the point?

What readers expect.

CMP 0443 Reader Expectations

Readers bring expectations shaped by genre and situation, and texts that meet them are easier to read and trust. Readers of a report expect a clear thesis, headings or signposts, objective tone and evidence; readers of a memoir expect a personal voice. A writer may break an expectation on purpose, but should know they are breaking it.

Look at what you can now do. You can revise a draft for what a specific reader knows, adding or cutting background and defining terms. You can name the tone a piece should have, hold it, use the academic voice, and catch unplanned shifts. You can choose first, second or third person for the genre, and hold one point of view. And you can use respectful language, match voice and register to the genre, and revise for an audience unfamiliar with the subject. Unit Nineteen turns to the two places readers notice most: openings and closings.