Revising for an Unfamiliar Audience

In practice

This worked example is constructed for this course. A student wrote this paragraph for classmates in a computer science course: "We should ditch the old login system and move to two-factor. The current setup is basically a joke, and anyone with half a brain could phish it. Two-factor fixes that." The student must now revise it for the college's finance committee, who are not technical and must approve the cost. Revise in order. First, audience knowledge: the committee may not know what two-factor authentication or phishing means, so define both briefly. Two-factor authentication requires a second step, such as a code sent to a phone; phishing tricks users into giving away passwords. Second, purpose: the committee decides on spending, so add what the change costs and what it prevents. Third, tone: "basically a joke" and "anyone with half a brain" are dismissive and insulting, which would weaken the case with careful readers; replace them with specific risks. Fourth, register and point of view: "ditch" is slang; replace it, and change "We should" to a recommendation in third person, or keep "we" if it refers to the college. The revised paragraph might read: "The college should replace its current password-only login with two-factor authentication, which requires a second step, such as a code sent to a phone. The current system is vulnerable to phishing, in which users are tricked into revealing passwords. Two-factor authentication would block most such attacks for a modest yearly cost."