Strengthening a Weak Paragraph

In practice

This worked example is constructed for this course. In an essay arguing that the city should fund more school nurses, a paragraph reads: "School nurses are important. My neighbor's son got sick at school and there was no nurse, so his mother had to leave work. Everyone knows this happens all the time. Some people say nurses cost too much, but that is wrong." Diagnose it in order. First, the claim is vague: "important" does not say for what. Sharpen it: "Schools without full-time nurses leave sick students without care and send parents home from work." Second, the evidence is a single anecdote, followed by "everyone knows," an unsupported generalization. Keep the anecdote as an illustration, but add representative evidence: how many of the city's schools lack a full-time nurse, and how often students in those schools are sent home. Third, the counterclaim about cost is dismissed, not answered. Concede it fairly, "Nurses add to the school budget," and rebut it with evidence, such as the cost of missed instruction or of emergency visits that a nurse could prevent. Fourth, add analysis tying the evidence to the claim. The revised paragraph has a precise claim, evidence that shows the pattern, an illustration that makes it human, and a fair answer to the strongest objection.