Revising a Paragraph for Development

In practice

This worked example is constructed for this course. In an essay arguing that the college should offer evening tutoring, a body paragraph reads: "Working students need evening tutoring. Many of them work during the day. Tutoring helps." The paragraph has a point but almost no support. Develop it in order. First, sharpen the topic sentence so it states the specific point: "Working students cannot use tutoring under its current schedule." Second, add evidence: the tutoring center closes in the afternoon, while many working students' shifts end in the evening; a campus survey reported that a large share of students work during the day. Third, add explanation: because of the schedule, the students who might gain most from tutoring are the least able to reach it. Fourth, add an example: a student who works until six cannot reach a center that closes at four. Fifth, close by tying the point to the thesis: evening hours would put tutoring within reach of these students. The developed paragraph runs to five or six sentences, each doing one job: point, evidence, explanation, example, link. The original three sentences are still there in spirit, but now each claim is earned.