One Paragraph Through Three Drafts

In practice

This worked example is constructed for this course. The paper argues that the college should extend library hours during exam weeks. The first draft of a body paragraph reads: "The library is a great place. It was built in the nineteen sixties and has a nice view of the lake. Lots of students study late. Many students said they need more time. The library closes at ten." Revise in order. First, the global pass. The paragraph's point is unstated, so add a topic sentence tied to the thesis: "During exam weeks, students need study space after the library closes." Cut the building's age and view, which wander from the point. Move the closing time forward, since the argument depends on it. Add evidence: in a survey, most respondents reported needing space after ten. The second draft reads: "During exam weeks, students need study space after the library closes at ten. In a survey of students, most respondents said they needed space later than that, and many reported studying in hallways." Second, the sentence pass: "most respondents said they needed space later than that" can become "most respondents reported needing space after ten," which is more direct and concrete. Third, the conventions pass: check commas, numbers and the spelling of every name. Each draft improved the paragraph in a different way, and the order mattered, because the second pass would have been wasted on the sentences the first pass cut.