Reordering a Draft

In practice

This worked example is constructed for this course. A short proposal argues that the city should add a bus route to the new industrial park. Its paragraphs appear in this order. Paragraph one, the introduction, ends with the thesis. Paragraph two describes the proposed route and its schedule. Paragraph three reports that hundreds of park workers live in neighborhoods with no direct bus. Paragraph four answers the objection that the route would cost too much, citing fares and a state grant. Paragraph five shows that workers without cars currently spend over an hour each way on two buses and a walk. The pattern is problem and solution, so test the order against it. The problem, workers who cannot reach their jobs easily, appears in paragraphs three and five, but the solution, in paragraph two, comes first. Readers meet the route before they know why it is needed. Reorder: introduction, then paragraph three on who lacks access, then paragraph five on how long their trips take, then paragraph two on the proposed route, then paragraph four on cost. Within the problem section, the order moves from how many people are affected to how badly, which builds toward the strongest point. After moving the paragraphs, revise the transitions: the route paragraph now needs to open by referring back to the long trips, for example by saying that a direct route would cut that time.