A Paragraph of Structure Errors

In practice

This worked example is constructed for this course. The draft reads: "Hoping to save money, the bus pass was purchased by Maria. Her goals were saving money, to reduce her carbon footprint, and avoiding parking fees. The reason she switched is because the garage raised its rates. She only rode the bus on weekdays at first." Check each sentence. The first opens with "Hoping to save money," but the subject that follows is the bus pass, which cannot hope: a dangling modifier. Name the doer: "Hoping to save money, Maria bought a bus pass." The second lists three goals in mismatched forms: saving, to reduce and avoiding. Two items begin with i n g, so match the third: "Her goals were saving money, reducing her carbon footprint and avoiding parking fees." The third pairs "the reason is" with "because," which repeats the idea of cause and mixes two constructions. Write "She switched because the garage raised its rates," or "The reason she switched is that the garage raised its rates." The fourth places only before rode, which seems to limit riding rather than the days. If the writer means she rode the bus on weekdays but not weekends, move only: "At first, she rode the bus only on weekdays." The revised paragraph names its doer, keeps its list balanced, states its cause once, and places its limiting word beside the word it limits.